Warriors, If you’ve been hanging around these parts for a bit, you know I love my Be Still Be Free girls! They were brave enough to invite me to be a guest on their weekly podcast; not once, but twice on the topics of BE Enduring and BE Courageous.
Now, I’m excited to be a part of their weekly blog link up, similar to Five Minute Friday, but all about BE-ing. Confession: I’m grateful I get more than five minutes!
TOPIC: BE STILL
Tragedy is never in anyone’s life plan. It’s unexpected and ugly causing unimaginable pain and grief.
It’s a forced stillness.
When Danny was injured and I was 33-weeks pregnant, life came to a screeching halt and then time began to crawl like molasses in winter. Slow, painful and in a deep pit of unknowing, we lived each day in a twilight zone of brain injury aftermath.
Five weeks later, Corbin was born and I became a married, single parent. Danny was still in a coma in a hospital. And, Corbin and I lived with Danny’s parents. A village of troopers, we all had our roles to play in sustaining the lives of a newborn baby and a completely dependent husband and son. And, yet, I felt completely alone.
I’d lost my husband, and essentially, my life. Dreams died with him as we churned in this cycle of sustaining.
But, there was Light and there was Corbin.
Though a motorcycle accident and brain injury were certainly not in our life’s plan, we also hadn’t laid out the plan for children. We just knew we wanted two, but we also knew it wasn’t the time yet. However, I believe God, in His sovereignty, knew the days ahead of us and He knew I would need a physical representation of His faithfulness to me.
Know this: children are a gift from the Eternal; the fruit of the womb is His reward. Psalm 127:3 (The Voice)
I’d always wanted to be a mom and during the most horrific time in my life, Corbin came through heaven and into my earthly, aching arms. I couldn’t hold Danny and fix him, but I could hold his DNA. Corbin had just left the arms of Jesus for mine and in my spirit, I believe also that Corbin had just left the presence of his father. In Danny’s coma, I believe his spirit communed with God; they had a lot of talking to do.
I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me. Psalm 3:5 (NIV)
I felt so alone and isolated though there was so much activity around me. No one could fix my husband, heal our marriage and bring us together as a happy, healthy family.
No one, but Light.
Cradling Corbin in my earthly, aching arms while I nursed him, Light would wash over me, comforting me in the quiet stillness of a mother nursing her child. No one else could fill that role.
Danny’s mom could take care of him in the hospital. Danny’s father could put a roof over our heads. There were hands to help with food and hands to change diapers, but I was the only one who could nurse the fruit of my womb.
To sustain life, I was taken away from the doing of Danny’s recovery and forced to be still with my son, God’s gift. I sang choruses to him and to the Lord. Tears would often slide down my face as I rocked in duet with the Holy Spirit’s groaning.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. Romans 8:26 (NIV)
As I nourished Corbin, the Holy Spirit would nourish me in the stillness of the nursery. More than nine years later, I consider these moments some of the most precious in my life; as a mother and as a daughter of the King. He brought me to the stillness, in the most tragic of ways, but He never left me there alone.
Coming face to face with your weakness and your ineptitude to shield your loved ones from suffering, is a forced stillness for us to sit and see what God will do for us. It is in the stillness and in the knowing that though you cannot do, though you cannot fix, you are hidden under His wing. You are tucked in the cleft of the rock expectantly waiting for His Glory.
Warriors, it’s in the stillness, in the weakness, that the Almighty God fights for us.
Sit back. Sink in. Be still and look for Him expectantly to meet you there in the battles of your tragedies.
For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory. Deuteronomy 20:4 (NIV)
What is BE?
BE is a million things and yet just one thing. It’s a soon-to-be tangible thing you can read and see, but it’s also a mindset, a lifestyle and a choice.
BE. Be still, be free. Be you. Be who He created you to be. Be the best you possible — the best woman, wife, friend, mom, employee, advocate, cheerleader, supporter, designer, carpooler, coffee drinker.
Be still to know He is God.
Be free in Christ to pursue the abundant life He died to give us.
Be in the moment and fully present. Be free to dream. Be amazed at what He can do. Be changed. Be loved.