authentically allison

I Love, I Serve – Atlas Girl Blog Tour

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My dear friend Emily T. Wierenga, the one who sees, has written a beautiful memoir. This post is part of the Atlas Girl Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of along with hundreds of inspiring bloggers. To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE! 

We weren’t the perfect couple, but we were dang close. We didn’t fight or even disagree much. We blended and melted into a perfectly complimented soul.

It came as no surprise then, as Danny lay in a coma, that I was there, present and pregnant with our son. I remember the nurse asking me how involved I wanted to be in Danny’s recovery. I was insulted.

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“100%,” was my quick reply. Nine years later, I understand why she asked and there is no longer any insult taken. The only insult has been the alteration of our marriage; the shifting of roles and responsibilities, the exaggeration of the weaknesses in our personalities all tied up in bows of joys and sorrows.

I found myself changing my husband’s diapers at the same time as our infant son’s. It was a natural reaction to take care of him, to fulfill his needs while suppressing my own, to care for our baby and do what needed to be done. There was no question about percentage. It was 100% and more. It was love, perfect love, right? To lay one’s self down for their friend, their husband?

Now there are times our perfectly blended and melted marriage feels crushed and disintegrated in the wake of traumatic brain injury. With prayers and praise on my lips, I grieve and am afraid, uncertain of the earthly outcome. But, quitting and walking away always seems like I’m putting limitations on a limitless God of the more than I can think, the more than I can imagine. It feels that leaving is diving headfirst into fear instead of holding steadfast to the faith stretched out on a cross-the Cross that not only bore my sin, but bore my husband’s brain injury and the wake behind it.

I certainly have questions; hundreds of them that mostly go unanswered. The What-fors, the Whys, the When- none have been explained. Yet, for all my questions, there is an Answer-Jesus.

Jesus who humbled himself a servant for his people; He who suffered unimaginable pain, alienation and loneliness for his Bride. Jesus who laid down his life for his friends. Jesus who asked for a different cup, yet yielded to his Father for love. This is my Jesus, the one that I want to emulate for my husband, my family.

My husband is my person, my bride, my friend. And as I kneel at his feet each night to remove his shoes, I am reminded that my Savior postured himself in this same way at his disciple’s feet. I am reminded that the God of the Universe laid himself out for me, for Danny, for all of us with the hope that we would receive him, receive His perfect love that drives out the fear of the unknown. And, though I waiver and often ask for a different cup, I am yet humbled to be an imperfect servant in the shadow of my perfect God.

Emily T. Wierenga, award-winning journalist and author of 4 books, has released her first memoir, Atlas Girl: Finding Home in the Last Place I Thought to Look. They say the book is like “Girl Meets God” meets “Wild” meets “Eat, Pray, Love.” I say the book is inspiring. You can grab a copy here.

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6 thoughts on “I Love, I Serve – Atlas Girl Blog Tour

  1. emily wierenga

    oh Allison. I sit here with tears–weeping for you. For him. For it all. Remembering your pain as I held you in that prayer room. And oh, I wish I’d come here sooner to read this post :( Oh girl, I’m so sorry for being so slow to get to all the #AtlasGirl posts–I don’t know how you found the time to bless me this way, but you did–you showed me support for my memoir, and that means the WORLD to me. Oh Father, would you bless Allison? For the way she serves? Would you give her reprieve when she needs it? Would you send angels to surround her and to minister to her weary heart? Oh father, fill her with SUCH love for her husband and child??? And for herself? And allow her to have GRACE with herself… my dear Allison, I treasure you. Will you be at Allume this year? I’d love to pray with you again. All my heart, e. (Zephaniah 3:17–your Father sings over you, delights in you, quiets you with his love)

    1. Allison Post author

      Em, I knew you’d find it when the time was right so there are no apologies for being slow! Just like the night in the prayer room, the Lord will bring the prayer warrior, just like He will bring the readers. Thank you for your prayers, then and now. And, yes, I will be at Allume again this year and am so looking forward to seeing you, listening to your wisdom and hugging your Canadian neck. Peace to you and yours today!

  2. lorisprayercloset

    WOW, this was just so touching, so real. This is what it is…….love/service. You will have my ongoing prayers. I have watched my very best friend go through something like this (still is) with her Mom who has Alzheimer’s. Of course a Mom is different than a husband……oh bless you. That is all I can say! May you be covered in His love and grace today. Lori

    1. Allison Post author

      Thank you, Lori, for your prayers and encouragement! I welcome you into this place and look forward to getting to know you better through your site. Blessings to you today, Allison

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