authentically allison

Splitting hairs or something like that

Today’s word is job.


And, it’s not even Friday (the movie; with Chris Tucker and Ice Cube?). Never mind.


Getting ready for work this morning, I tried on 853 outfits that would be appropriate for an internal job interview. To wear a suit or not? I didn’t.

The first interview went well and wasn’t really a surprise.

But, now the fun part.

After heading to the bathroom several times to nervous pee, I discovered that the seam in the crotch of my new pants was starting to pull apart already.

What the?

Oh, but not just pull apart.

There was already a hole.

A hole in my pants, beginning at the bottom of the zipper or what my husband calls  “the promised land.”

So, I’ve had a hole in the front of my black pants (nude underwear)

This includes meeting EIGHT new employees and consultants and Interview #1 of 3.


I made this discovery a mere 25 minutes before Interview #2.

Thanks to my sister in law for my travel size emergency kit that came with a needle and thread.

I don’t sew.

Off to the locker room I go with my emergency sewing kit and serious self-consciousness.

I sit on the toilet to sew the seam back together, struggling to get the blasted needle to thread.

Finally, I start to sew and wouldn’t you know the energy efficient lighting shuts off in the locker room. Apparently, they don’t put motion sensors in the stalls.

Now, I’m sewing a hole in black pants in complete darkness, but I’m reluctant to walk out of the stall in my underwear and high heels. It would be at that exact moment that the fitness junkie in my office would come to get her calorie burning fix.

What to do? What to do?

By the light of my smartphone, I finished sewing the seam in my pants.

As the minutes were ticking down to Interview #2, I realized I hadn’t brought scissors to cut the thread.

Like an animal, I used the teeth God blessed me with to saw through the thread. Just call me MacGyver.

Of course, back at the safety of my desk, with all my private goods private again, I discovered I have black thread stuck in my teeth.

My mini emergency kit did not come with a toothpick.

I’d rather be on time to Interview #2 with black thread in my teeth than late. Being punctual is important.

I arrived in small Interview Room A and fidgeted for 15 minutes before chalking my second interview as a no show.

I may have thread in my teeth, but my goods are now covered.

Let’s see what happens tomorrow for Interview #3. Suit or no suit?

2 thoughts on “Splitting hairs or something like that

  1. Mom

    Sorry honey. However, your account of your day was hysterical! I’m sorry I didn’t teach you to sew, but you can’t teach what you don’t know or care to know! Love you!

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