I am not invisible.
That would be a totally cool superhero power though.
But, we feel like we are sometimes. Don’t we, Warriors?
That no one really sees us, or really wants to.
That no one really wants to know what goes through our minds or through our hearts.
As a caregiver, wife and working mom, I often feel invisible.
Can’t you see I’m tired?
Do you see I’m talking to your dad?
Didn’t you notice I just sat down?
Can I not go pee alone?
Or, it’s the things we don’t say that we wish people would notice, but all they see is the smile we paint on our face or their perception is that we have it all together.
I’m on the verge of tears; so don’t ask me if I’m okay unless you really want to hear the ugly truth.
I’d love to do dinner, but you don’t ask.
Yes, you can babysit. I’d love a nap.
Can’t someone please come clean my house? Cook dinner? Put away the laundry? File everything on my desk?
You get the point.
Then, there are the people who have well meaning intentions, but say the dumbest things.
You didn’t want more children?
At least Danny didn’t die.
I couldn’t do what you do.
Sometimes it’s nice to be seen, to be known, to be given the attention.
Most of the time, my wants and my needs get put on the back burner.
I know I’m not the only wife and mom this happens to.
But, y’all, sometimes something will happen and I know I’ve been seen, I’ve been noticed and acknowledged.
God sees me when I cry alone in my car or in the bathroom stall at work.
He sees me when I’m tired.
He sees me when I just want to quit.
He sees me when my house is dirty, when I’m angry at my family and at life and when I just want to punch that stupid lady in the nose for saying something so insensitive.
He loves me anyway.
I just made God sound like Santa.
He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake.
Sorry. I’ve got that song in your head now.
For the last week, I’ve been on a roller coaster of emotional highs and lows.
I know, because Friday is the 8th anniversary of Danny’s accident, that the roller coaster is going to continue.
But, one thing happened this past week that reminded me that God sees me. He knows my heart and He loves me.
Just like Santa.
After grieving last week (and this one too), I was feeling very defeated.
Thankfully, someone wise reminded me that you can’t live at Camp Defeat for too long or they transfer you to Camp Despair.
Nonetheless, I was feeling defeated and unmotivated to make the walk into work when God smacked me in the head.
Someone in the perimeter of my life noticed something I wrote on social media, felt impressed to do something and took action.
I didn’t ask for anything, but an opinion.
I didn’t expect the gift.
And in this gift, in this timing, I know the source was God.
God moved on someone’s heart so I would know that He loves me. He’s still here with me. All these years later, He has not forsaken us.
He is able to do more than I could ask or imagine.
Warriors, God sees you when no one else does.
When everyone moves on with their lives and you’re stuck, He knows.
And, you know what?
I see you.
I’ll listen to your story.
I will hold you while you cry.
I won’t try to come up with something wise thinking it will take away your hurt, your sorrow.
I won’t make it all about Jesus either.
I feel your grief.
Then, after we’ve had a good cry, let’s laugh.
For then, if only a moment, we will know we are not invisible.